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I want to be better. Let me clarify…
To feel happier and healthier.
To be more focused and less forgetful.
To be patient, loving, gentle, and kind.
To remember to live by the fruits of the spirit like I tell myself to.
To feel less alone, regardless of how many people are around me, and more at peace.
To be the kind of person that I want others to see me as.
To look back upon my actions, my day, my year…and regret nothing.
To be satisfied with who I am as a person and how I’m affecting the world around me.
I feel like I lost sight of who I was, and am. Despite the fact that I know I’m constantly changing and adapting to my environment, I can feel myself becoming a better or worse person. For a while, I think I lost sight of my priorities and what brings me joy. I tried too hard to please everyone else around me and cared too much about what others thought of me.
Now that I see this, as if I’ve had some mild epiphany or something, I am trying to change. Yet again. But, this time, I’m taking matters into my own hands. I’m sick of being molded by other people and letting me lose control of my speech, my actions, my life in general. I finally feel good about my actions…for the first time in quite a while.
On Tuesday, I had my first day volunteering at a local elementary school. I’ll be helping 2nd and 3rd graders read after school, and, honestly, those 30 minutes with this 3rd grader, Dylan, were the best 30 minutes I’ve experienced so far this week. I forgot how much joy volunteering brings me, how much I love working with kids, and I’m excited to go back to doing what I love.
Oh, and if I haven’t already missed the application deadline, I might apply to volunteer at a camp for kids with muscular dystrophy for a week this summer!
Earlier tonight, I went to the ARC by myself and worked out a little. Granted, it wasn’t much, but I did it on my own. No pushing and convincing from other people. Just my own sheer desire to go. I may not have the best eating habits, but I try. I can only hope that my desire to be healthier will give me the drive to succeed this summer as I attempt to start my challenge to go from omnivorous to pescetarian to vegetarian to vegan to raw vegan. I honestly don’t know if I’ll even be able to get past pescetarian.
All in all, I may sound stupid, and I may be in over my head with the diet change, in particular, but I don’t care. I feel good just thinking about the fact that I’m making an effort to change my habits for the better. I don’t know… I don’t write giant text posts often, but I felt like this was necessary for me to get in writing. I need to hold myself accountable and have something to look back on when I feel like giving up.
